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Trying to Sort it All Out

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Every so often, my oldest stepbrother returns home from school. Out of all my stepsiblings, he is by far the loudest. Additionally, he is incredibly rebellious, so there’s lots of barking back and forth between him and others.

Without a doubt, he is the one most able to trigger my sensory issues. With the right combination of pitch, volume, and repetition.

As I wrote in Exodus( part one, part two), sensory issues are a serious point of contention in my situation. Additionally, these sensory overloads trigger high states of anxiety for me.

I want to bring this again to the forefront because as I have seen, my story is not unique.

In a family that includes neurodiverse people as children, the neurotypical children tend to be privileged. My stepbrother will receive no reprimands for his behavior.

Much of what has happened with me and in many cases is a more subtle form than expected. I am simply left alone in my little corner, not to be engaged with or dealt with unless absolutely necessary.

In short, I exist primarily to be placated. At least, that’s how it feels. It’s very unsettling. Especially when I compare my interactions to the interactions with my stepsiblings.

I can’t help but think my father underestimates how much I really know about the situation at hand. I say that because he continues to either dodge the question or silence me directly whenever I call attention to anything.

Ironically, the fact that he takes little interest in what I do may prove to be an advantage when it comes to the blog. Originally, I was quite worried that I would get caught and then administered some sort of consequence.

But he has of course made no mention of reading it, even though I bring it up frequently. If he ever does get to reading it, it will be long into the future.

I want to just stop for a moment and just give this time to sink in. I am used to this sort of thing, as are many on the spectrum. I am used to being bullied by my own family.

But should I?



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